When I was in 7th grade, my school offered an annual two week program called Mini Courses. It was touted as an opportunity to learn new skills that aren’t part of traditional curriculum, and for most of us, it was just as exciting as a field trip to a roller rink or the news that a substitute teacher would be presiding for the day.
I can’t recall all of the classes that were offered, but I do remember that I filled out my request form for Basket Weaving. It must have been a popular choice, because I was bumped to my backup option, which was a course called Poise and Good Grooming.
To clarify, this took place in the late 80’s, and not the 1950’s, but the sentiment was most definitely a pre-ERA holdover. I will not bury the lede here. We were taught neither poise, nor good grooming.
Our instructor was Erin, a high school senior and the star student at a local modeling school. Erin’s credentials were seemingly just pageant trophies and several reigns on the high school homecoming court, but those sort of things carried more weight than any doctorate or dissertation in my small town.
Our curriculum was as silly as you might imagine. Surprisingly, we never practiced walking gracefully with books balanced on our heads, but Erin did instruct us in the art of strutting down a fashion runway. Her technique was probably perfect for a local style show, but certainly never seen at NY Fashion Week. She also regaled us with inside stories from modeling school, displayed photos of her pageant successes, and gave us a detailed play-by-play of her morning hair and makeup routine. Even my sheltered and naive internal dialogue flashed questions like, “WHAT are we teaching the adults of tomorrow?!”
The cherry on the top of this course was that each one of us would have the opportunity to have our makeup and hair done by our instructor. She used her own personal pageant makeup that was housed in a large, pink plastic Caboodle case. No one worried or even thought about cross contamination as she applied mascara directly on each person’s eyelashes with the same brush from the tube.
In truth, I, a perfectly average, incredibly bookish library nerd, was excited for my transformation. Even though I spent much of my time reading books like Little Women and Anne of Green Gables, I still pored over my monthly copy of Teen Magazine (which was v. cool in the 90’s,) and I imagined the possibility that I would emerge from my makeover looking just like the Model Search winners I saw on the pages.
I cannot describe my dismay when the time came for my own makeover reveal. Erin had sponged a generous amount silvery-gray eyeshadow from my lashes to my thick brows. It was reminiscent of several Halloweens I spent dressed as a witch. (As a childhood witch enthusiast, I was sure my powers would come eventually, so I took every opportunity to dress as my future self.) l was shocked at how absolutely terrible I looked. What a disappointment.
I wish there was someone at the time to tell me that it was all BS. Now that I am a sensible adult with a trained eye for art and beauty, I know the extent of the BS that we’ve all been fed in regard to beauty standards and expectations. I’ve studied this on an academic level, and I see firsthand that damage that it causes.
I also now know that–and this is my professional opinion, every human being possesses some form of beauty. I wish I could have told the 12-Year-Old Me that Poise and Good Grooming has nothing to do with makeup or learning how to walk down a runway.
I suppose the moral of this story could be that one should not expect much from a class taught by a Barbizon model, but let’s spin this into something different.
If I were invited to teach a class called Poise and Good Grooming to a group of preteens, I wouldn’t talk about makeup or fashion runways. My course would be based on the following six principles:
Zip yourself up. That’s the advice my 4’11 Sicilian grandmother gave me nearly every day, as she made a zipping motion towards her spinal cord. She embodied this advice as she was one of the tallest short people I’ve ever known. Standing up straight helps you breathe better, walk better, and preserves the health and carriage of your body. It also radiates confidence and grace.
Be Punctual. Always be on time for everything. Punctuality conveys respect for the event that your are attending or the person that you are meeting. It also lets you arrive feeling comfortable and poised.
Trim your nose hair. This applies to everyone. This applies to you. Please trust me and try it. I use a Wahl Nose Hair Trimmer in my kit, and I recommend it for personal use as well.
Clean your fingernails. I would love to see Americans adopt the European practice of keeping a nail brush in the soap dish. A quick brush of the nails when washing your hands keeps your nails germ free and looking professional.
Floss. Floss at least once a day, but ideally twice. You can’t put makeup on your gums, and you NEED your gums. There is no quality of veneers that will improve the look of degenerating gums. You know when you first step into the shower and just need a minute under the water? That is the perfect time to floss. I like to use the travel Waterpik which is wireless and can easily stored in a shower caddy.
You. Are. Beautiful. You don’t need makeup. You don’t need to augment your face or body. Everyone ages. Everyone gets wrinkles. I can absolutely guarantee that however you look right now, when you are sitting in your rocking chair at 95 years old, you will think back to this day and say, “What was I ever thinking to be critical of my face and body? I looked beautiful. I should have been more confident.”
That is the real Poise and Good Grooming.